I was on my way home from a trip to pick up some groceries for dinner. The route is familiar. The routine is too. And I was praying (sort of). (I'll explain that in a minute.) I was kind of struggling over financial stuff--trying to figure out how to wade through the stretching that we (and many others) are feeling. Well, I wasn't really praying. It was more like this:
"If we won the lottery..." (kind of unlikely since almost never have a ticket) or "If we had a distant financially-gifted acquaintance who left us a hefty unexpected inheritance..." (you can't wish that anyone close to you passes).
I suppose I'm not the only one who finds herself in wishful thinking mode, but I was suddenly aware that I was talking to God as if He was a genie in a lamp. Oops...
I realized it wasn't the direction I really wanted to go, and in that moment of pause, God began to whisper to me. (Funny how when I stopped yammering I could hear Him better.)
"Yes," He said, I could do it that way--but I'm not going to." (Darn .) (It would have been so much more comfortable for me to have a quick solution I could ease back on like an overstuffed pillow.) (I'm big on comfort.)
"I am going to meet every need. I am totally trustworthy and utterly able, but I'm going to do it as the need arises." (He always seems to remind me that it is relationship that He is primarily after. Me on that pillow wouldn't tend to put me closer to Him, I guess.) (I really knew that.) (Past experience and all...)
"I will meet you step by step. Piece by piece."
Last fall I received a birthday gift. (Hang on, this really does fit into the story.) My friend Eric, a tall, delightful, and solidly dear friend in Tampa had sent me a beautiful journal. Leather-bound. A gorgeous metal medallion on the front. He knows my love of contemplation and of writing--but I hadn't written a word in it. I sensed it should have a particular focus and I didn't yet know what that would be, only that I would probably know it when it came.
As God spoke the words "piece by piece" it hit me. I've never titled a journal before, but this one will have one. It will be the story of how He does it, how He provides grace, income, ideas, encouragemnt, tangible provision, and any other way He chooses to come through. He will meet us and He will help us to see how continually trustworthy He is. Hence the title:
Peace By Piece. (Notice the spelling, please.)
He really does intend to be God in our lives and teaches us to trust Him when everything is hitting the fan. He IS faithful. He IS powerful. Will I keep at it, with Him, letting myself be vulnerable in the unknowns, to discover the amazing truth that HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS?
He will bring me what I need. (I expect that the biggest part is that He brings Himself into every situation.) He will teach me peace. Life goes on and challenges continue to arise. Clearly the biggest need of all is that of knowing He is present. Always.
The really cool thing is that the journal is over two inches thick. I think it's a hint. God is active. He's gonna do a lot. My job is to watch for it, to receive it, to thank Him, and to tell you what He has done.
So today I wish you peace, even if it comes a little at a time. the sum total is still everything we need.
Anita Hickinbotham copyright 2009
......
Well, that was the beginning. I penned those words in February 2009. Today is January 10, 2010. The journal has a lot written in it and God has come through in surprising ways. I have seen Him work. He has provided many things--not only the basics for life, but some amazing blessings that met the desires of my heart. We are, however, still walking the journey of trust--the challenges of life an on-going matter. In the last 11 months I've prayed and listened and watched. I've thanked Him for His goodness and power and creativity and love. I've filled many pages with ink.
Last week the adventure took another turn when my husband called after an unexpected lunchtime meeting where he received the news that he was being laid off.
Deep breath, Self. Don't panic. Remember what God has said--and done. Look back through that journal and remind yourself what He has been teaching you.
As I've begun to process this new season, I felt a tug on the invisible sleeve of my spirit. "Others are struggling too. You need to be aware of what I am about, and others need to be encouraged, watching for My work in their own lives." It soon became apparent that this journal should also have a more public version.
As I get the next few entries written, they will catch you up a bit on more details of the story that's been unfolding. Then it will be a place where you can stop by and see what transpires.
I am grateful for the many friends and mentors in our lives who love us and walk alongside, and call us on when we stumble or get short-sighted. And I am glad to have the opportunity to share the journey with you.
Anita
Photo: Coffee and Journal, by subsetsum
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