I am reminded again (since I haven't posted anything here in over a month) that God is faithful. He has continued to meet us day by day, while I have struggled with discouragement and being weary. I have lost heart.

It isn't that I believe Him less, or trust less what He is able to do. It is just that I am tired. In that drain, I have let things go. I have not expressed gratefulness for how He has met me. I have let my focus shift to the gaps instead of the provision. I have wallowed in what is hard rather than remembering what is firm footing. And I don't know why.

I am struggling significantly with not being able to get my bearings. I don't know which end is up. I don't know which way to face, how to make some decisions that need to be made, and how to invest my time in the months ahead.

I am not sure how to resolve some issues that surround me. And I don't like the feeling of being out of kilter.

We are down a computer, and one of the kids needs this one so I need to sign off now. I will keep at it and post again soon.

Cubby Holes

The seasons of life are never totally good or totally challenging. We always (if we watch carefully) find an odd mix continually present. In the most difficult times there are provisions and comfort and care threaded through. In the glorious times, the imperfections of life are still present. And so we live in the tension of life.

I like definition. I like things categorized so I can pull them out of their little cubby and deal with them--all neat and tidy and one at a time. I don't have to tell you that my days rarely unfold so methodically; I'm pretty sure yours don't either.

I would have loved for a job to have opened by now for John--after a little difficulty that piece of life to slide neatly into place so we could get on with "life." That isn't what is happening. Like I suspected as we began this chapter, God is allowing us to be stretched, to learn to trust, to lean in when we can't see what is around the corner or farther out on the branch.

In the midst of all that, other aspects of our life have been stirred out of their settled places as well. We are facing saying goodbye to some of our dearest friends soon as they leave the area and pursue other things that God has planted in them. We are looking at other schools for the kids next year, facing the likelihood that there will not be a way to have them finish where they have spent their academic life. These changes are not the ones I would like to have before me. They hit me hard, even though I know that God is allows the transitions and will be with us in the days ahead in a different landscape.

And, we have seen His hand moving to provide.

John and I got to go on a little jaunt--it had been ages since we'd been away. The kids had pulled together a gift for him for his birthday and we headed to the east coast for a couple of days that were a tremendous blessing--a break in the routine and a chance to talk at length. He had been given a book just before we left. Larry Crabb's "66 Love Letters" which proved to remind us that God dares to do in us the work toward His ultimate goal--that our hearts would know Him and trust Him and isn't nearly as concerned as we are that it takes longer than we would like.

We investigated the possibility of purchasing a piece of equipment for a small business venture. Through the prayers and generosity of several dozen people, we are going to be able to move forward. I am surprised and blessed by what transpired. (The word "transpired" literally means the giving off or sharing of breath.) We feel His "ok" and presence with us through what you have done. Thank you. This isn't going to cover our financial needs, but will be a piece that will enable us to cover some expenses.

There have been many little gestures these last few weeks as well, things that have helped us and remind us that God is with us, sees the needs, is at work to care for us and guide us forward.

The simple gift of a salad, a pizza, a pack of buns, and milk.
An inquiry in the halls at school or in the sanctuary at church--"How are things going?" or "How are you?" We know you haven't forgotten that the struggle continues.
A check in the mail that will enable us to get one of the kids something they needed.
Some practical items passed along that we can certainly use.
The opportunity for a second part time job that will help bring in a few more dollars.
The beginning of a venture with my sister (who has done all the background work) for us to pursue a specialty cookie business using our well-honed cookie decorating skills of 28 years.
A fabulous dinner prepared by my mom yesterday (she's turning 84 on Saturday!) to give me a night off and to feed us all. Yes, I ate too much, but it was my mom's cooking, after all. Most of you can imagine how yummy that was!
Coupons and calls about possible job leads and a chance to do multiple small things that add up to be getting us through somehow.
Cookies and eggs and other goodies that are a treat!
The invitation to breakfast with a dear lady.

We are grateful for the promises of God, for the provision He brings in many ways and through many people, to care for us and to remind us that He is with us. Always.

The Fire

Sometimes the provision isn't the kind you expect. (YES, we have had a couple of surprises this week that have helped us with the pressing bills, and NO, there is still not adequate job in sight.)

I am feeling the fire. A couple of weeks ago I came across a website that had some funny (ok, I realize they are rather bizarre) things written on it. But they made me laugh. A lot. And I realized that the laughter was helping me keep at the hard stuff. This morning I posted this on my facebook status line (after an admittedly weird one liner)...

FYI...I haven't lost my mind. Simultaneous to these crazy posts is some of the deepest work in my life. I am choosing to not run from the fire, and my journal is rapidly filling up. I am learning core things about what discipleship means where the rubber meets the road--endurance, obedience and trust. Right at the moments where I am threatened with being consumed in the heat, leaning in a little more is revealing His presence. I am finding that those are crucial opportunities that I've probably often missed when I've tried to escape what seemed too painful. I wonder if I can bear it. He reminds me that He already has.

And the laughter has been good medicine.

The fire is still raging. Prayer appreciated.

Swiss Cheese

These days are trying me and I feel like I don't have my bearings.

I am discovering that I am a person who loves (even more than I realized) to know what is the right thing to do. Then I can attempt to do it. The map of life these days is not offering me much help. It looks to me more like one of those giant chunks of Swiss cheese where, if they were taking bets, you'd swear that the space of the holes seems greater than the area of cheese. I wonder if I am just focusing on the wrong thing.

I feel dizzy. And I don't know what is the next step or the right direction. What do I do? How do I walk through this?

But here it is on a Monday morning of a new week and I have to get up and prepare to dive in. Really I would rather stop the roller coaster and head off somewhere to let my mind clear and my spirit refresh. But that is not the schedule of the week.

In any case, I can see some fibers of support and care in this ragged time. For these I am grateful. They are like threads sent my way in the actions of some dear folks, that seem to be connected to a larger stronger tapestry. I sense this part of my story has a significance I cannot yet see. I hate not seeing. Watching, observing, seeing how the dots of life are connected--yeah, that's pretty much what I do. So it is frustrating when the scene looks like a dumped jigsaw puzzle.

Still, I am grateful for the pieces that have carried with them a message of hope this last week and a half...

A couple of phone calls and emails with information of a place they heard was hiring.

Two separate deliveries of gourmet muffins and cookies, and several dozen brown eggs.
Some money given to help us buy groceries this week.
An opportunity to earn a little extra money on a one-day project.
Card and booklet sales brought in a few more dollars.
The delivery of a sack of potatoes--meal stretchers!
The gift of a container of cheesy potato soup.
Some food that was offered to us after a party we helped with.
An invitation to dinner at a neighbor's home one night last week.
A pan of lasagna and a bag of garlic bread.
A pizza.

Then there were a few gifts that fell into another category. They were ones that didn't fill the stomach, but refreshed the heart...

A gift from a friend that held a special message of hope and encouragement.

Witnessing almost 90 kids in a time of worship who were open and responsive and committing to really do this "following Jesus" thing.
Seeing the heart and generosity of a woman with little resources but an abundance of love.

A call from a dear friend who asked how things were going and really wants to know.
A hug from another long-time friend that was just a bit longer than the norm, sending me the message loud and clear that her heart is with me.

The find of a book that is just what I needed--a lovely dose of refreshment and creativity.

Many people who have told us we are in their prayers, and a few who have let us know what they have sensed as they prayed for us.

I am aware that the gifts of God and His provision come in many ways and through many people. I am thankful for those who are persevering with us in so many different ways. You cannot shorten the journey, but you have offered us some of what we need along the way.

Please continue to pray for these things--employment for John, the decisions ahead regarding school for the kids next year, wisdom for me regarding my time and a second job/summer employment, wisdom to prioritize rightly with our current resources, for our relationships--things are just more difficult when a major piece of life is out of kilter.

Finally, please pray that our hearts and minds will be sharpened to know and remember what is true.

Storm Clouds

As with the beginning of any new journey, even some of the tough ones, I suspected there was a honeymoon stage of this situation. I remember even mentioning it to my next door neighbor Eunice.

During those initial days I feel the invigoration of a new challenge and something stirred at the thought of a victory down the road. It is hope welling up. It is that adrenaline of a summit to be climbed. That glimpse (from down on the road you've arrived on) of the peak of the hill, blue sky framing it, sunlight streaming on it cause you to forget the effort that this trek will require.

The journey starts. It is even somewhat pleasant at first--almost like a vacation in its newness. I was breathing fresh cold morning air. An awakening occurred. I forgot (or denied) the reality ahead when bumps and falls and rain and wind would occur. I would get tired of the continual upward effort, the things that would challenge mind, body, and spirit.

Today I sit on a ledge, not sure how far up this mountain I am. I am so close to the grit of the rocky path that I cannot see how much land I've covered or how much elevation is ahead before I will reach that peak and stand on the top.

This week has been tough. There is dirt under my physical and emotional fingernails as I have dug fiercely into the days. My face is smudged. My jeans are torn. I am tired and thirsty. I don't like this mountain that seemed a friendly challenge just eight weeks ago. I would like to get off. But I don't have that option. I must figure out how to keep at it. These are the transitional days. These are the ones that will make or break me. These are the ones that will reveal what I am really made of, and how well I do at receiving the strength that is offered to me via grace as I go on. These days push me farther than I would prefer. I would like to only go so far as I know I can succeed. This territory tests me.

There have been a few sunny moments this week. A friend arrived with a bag of food from her garden last summer. Several kind words, inquiring phone calls about how the job search is going, and the friends who seem to surface at just the right time (or is it that it SEEMS like the right time because it is that particular person who has come?) I got an email that included a hymn that reminded me that "all is well" and a link to a video that had some amazing creativity.

Mostly, however, it has felt like a rainy week, causing that damp to the bone chill that is hard to recover from. There were some storm clouds rumbling, and lightning strikes that hit a little to close. I am tired. I need to find the rhythm of this climb--pressing on and allowing myself the nourishment and rest I need for a journey whose length I don't know.

I also have been reminded of some whose journey is colder and steeper than my own--a little girl with cancer, a dear woman whose life has had an inordinate amount of hardship and whose son may be in his last days, a young man battling cancer, a young gal with medical questions that need untangled, a neighbor who lost her mother this week, and my sister and brother-in-law who lost a dear friend.

So it is ok that I am in a different stage of my path and having to learn to walk new territory. We all have to figure those things out along the way. God is not tired or less present than at the start. His promises are not weaker. His resources not depleted. His help is not absent. He never changes. It is me that is in transition. And I can become something better during this time.

I will also be kind to myself as I keep at this, doing what I can and not beating myself up for what is beyond my control.

Maybe a "second wind" is around the corner.

Amazing People

I had noticed that over these weeks since John's lay off we have received cash gifts from five different people that were of a certain (not exactly a round number) amount. One night this week it occurred to me that it is the exact amount of money that I tithe weekly.

Also this week we were given back the balance of some money we had given my cousin in the hopes of buying one of the computers her office was getting rid of when they bought new systems. The purchase hadn't worked out which was too bad, since it would have been a good deal and replaced our home computer that finally died. Oh well....

Some of the most significant blessings this week have been people--a sweet message from a friend, an email this morning from someone far away asking how we were getting along, a friend who suggested a blog that was wonderfully written, an hour chat with a person I rarely see but who holds a special place in my heart. Each of these gestures has reminded me how blessed I have been by the presence of good folks. It is remarkable how many amazing people God has let me cross paths with along the way. My life has been shaped by each of you.

In addition...

Two very kind someones sent us a card with a check enclosed.

We received two dozen eggs from a lovely lady.

I got an order for a colorized copy of my booklet and an order for a special card for a little girl fighting cancer.

Someone anonymously paid the fee so that Cade could play on the indoor soccer team he was hoping to join. I didn't see how we could swing the registration or the gas money to get him to the facility. I am especially grateful to God for this provision and for understanding folks who have considered our kids in this season. You bless a momma's heart!

Don't Stop Believin'!

We wait and wait and wait to see a change occur. We walk forward with hours ticking away, days passing, monthly calendars being turned page by page, repeated new years chiming in without any evidence of something different.

How many American Christians have lost hope too soon, weaned as we are on an instant consumer society and raised in a “do what feels good” culture? Is it like this in the rest of the world, or is it a current pulse (no pun intended) of the planet that is now full of waves sending messages of all kinds scooting across the atmosphere non-stop and at blazing speed?

Some of the most amazing stories we have in scripture include main characters who have waited. Some even had to face the fact that God was too late for them—or so it seemed.

Captive Israelites in Egypt for four hundred years
A woman who had bled for 12 years
A man who sat by the pool of Bethsaida for 38 years trying to be the first into the water
A man whose daughter had died because Jesus was busy with another healing. (Who can explain that one?)
Or maybe the toughest one of all—that God himself had actually died, three days now in Joseph’s borrowed tomb.

During the times of waiting we seem particularly vulnerable to the voice of the enemy who seductively (and patiently, I might add) chips away at our hope. He is not in a rush to erode our trust in the God who is most powerful, ever loving, always for our best. We begin to let our hearts and minds drift away from the possibility that a prayer might be answered, a body healed, a mind restored to some kind of sanity, a new life begun.

But what might happen if we press on? What is possible if we hold on to the hope that God is working somewhere we cannot yet see?

Of course we know that sometimes God doesn’t fix our particular issue (like Paul’s thorn) and so we wrestle with the options and how to respond. I suspect that many times we chuck in the towel before He was quite done. We shift our attention to dealing with the problem another way or accepting what now seems inevitable, we alter our course and begin to embrace a different journey, lenses now adjusted to a different "truth."

I am acknowledging the fact that sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we hope He will. But I cannot give up the promise that He will never leave us or forsake us; He will continue always to work for our best. That is who He is. I must not give up hope that God is at work, in me, in those I love, in the situations of my life. He sees the bigger picture. He knows the many layers. He has a plan that He is unfolding.

Today I again challenge myself to believe. Believe that He wants life for us to the fullest according to His priorities. Remember the whole of His mission in His words: He has chosen me to preach the Message of good news to the poor, sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set the burdened and battered free, to announce, “This is God’s year to act!”

Those words are still His mission for us, for this very day.

Don’t stop believin’!

Blue Envelope and a Pasta Salad

Yesterday was remarkable.

We have had some stuck places in communication, and some less than stellar ways of dealing with our tensions. In the events of the last week there were some tough conversations (that were actually God's plow at work on our behalf) and the ones that unfolded afterward have begun to clear some obstacles from our path and start us toward a healthier way of living life together.

I am encouraged that even long-standing matters can change. Transformation is possible. We can become healed even after years and years of brokenness or dysfunction.

And on the heels of John and me pressing on to break through a wall, the mail arrived.

In the mix of the regular flyers and bills was a blue envelope. I recognized the handwriting immediately. It was from a high school friend with whom I reconnected at last summer's reunion. Recently I sent her a facebook message telling her I had been thinking back to our conversation from that August evening and asking how things were going in the situation she had shared. We ended up catching up with each other--their new house, our situation with John's lay off. I thought the card would be a "thinking of you" one. It was. But there was a surprise to be found.

This old friend had been lead to enclose a gift for us. I am deeply touched that she and her husband did such a thing. The timing seemed to be a kind of thumbs up for what John and I had just pressed on in--listening well to each other, choosing to love, and doing the right thing for our kids.

A while later I got a call from another dear friend. While John and I had been holed up talking in the back part of the house, she had come by and dropped off a delicious pasta salad that she had placed in our fridge.

In many ways the feast does come. God takes care of His kids, and blesses us when we are trying to walk well. It doesn't eliminate all the challenges of life, but He nudges us on, He loves when we trust Him through the hard stuff and try to live well. He encourages us when we lean in to do the best we know, even when we realize we won't get it all fixed immediately. He cheers us on. He helps us.

He really does.

John is still on the job hunt. Please continue to pray for the right door to open. Would you pray that it will (in spite of what the economy would indicate as possible/likely) be a really good fit for him, a delight to his heart, a place for his gifts to flow, and adequate for our financial needs?

Track Shoes Back On

Yes, we've had daily manna, but in the thick of things here I realized I hadn't written for a week.

Times like these take a toll. Pressures are up. Communication is consumed by the things weighing in on minds that are trying to keep all the important things in view and do all the necessary things on a too-big list. Sleep becomes a bit scarce. The daily expectations and obligations don't lessen, though you feel less equipped to respond to them all.

And yet,

we have been the recipients of some lovely gestures that remind us that there is a bigger picture going on than the one whose voice seems to scream the loudest.

An anonymously-sent envelope was delivered to me at school, holding some cash.
Someone took on an opportunity to do a one time little job and gave the money from it to us.
I received a barely used warm winter coat!
I picked up someone for an event we were going to and they handed me gas/"taxi" money.
I was doing a deed to reciprocate for someone's sacrificial generosity to us recently and they then insisted on paying me for my time. (Is it fair when their mother delivers the money, saying she will be "hit" if I don't take it? No, it is not fair, but I suspect it was a line so they could persuade me to take the money. Thank you again for your kindness.)
I sold three more booklets.
Part of some money for something we were trying to buy at a good price (that didn't materialize) was returned, and the rest promised to come this week.

Those were the tangible things.

There were other provisions of encouragement, help, cheering on, job leads, and on and on it goes, daily streams of care that come our way. Honestly, it has been over a month now and with the gray February days it is easy to shift focus and get discouraged. I am grateful for the gestures of care in big and small ways that remind me to keep chin up and eyes focused. Nothing is different today in the promises of God than they were a month ago when this began to unfold. Yes, we get weary; God doesn't. We lose heart; His is full. Our resources can seem thin; His supply is ample. We tend to worry; He is quite confident in what He is doing and in working in our days to a great good.

I am aware that it is harder to see when the clouds are thick, but remember something Jenna said several years ago at about this time of the year. She was looking out our back windows and through the woods beyond. She commented that at this time of year (in the leafless, stark landscape) you can see farther. She's right. In many situations when things are stripped down to seemingly bare nothingness, you can actually see the truth/reality better.

It's perseverance time. Look to the finish line. Track shoes back on. Keep running the race.

Winter Sun

There is no news yet on a job. What we have been told is that John is in the running with two other candidates and the interview process with all is underway. We will probably know more in a week to ten days. It seems like a long time. But as with the promise of spring, we wait. There are blessings in the snow too. The season (especially big snow storms) offers a pause in the regular flow of life, a chance to slow down and notice the blessings that surround us that are easy to take for granted.

We are experiencing God's presence. It is kind of like winter sun, always there even when the clouds are thick, when the wind is blowing, and the snow falls heavily. It stays close enough to keep the cycles of life moving forward, doing its good work of letting the activity settle, rest, and rejuvenate for the next season of growth. The weight of snow and ice sometimes break off limbs that seemed strong enough, revealing a weakness that we hadn't known. We remember that a good Father brings loving discipline when we need it, and allows pruning to occur in our lives.

There have also been remarkable words that have come in many ways and encouraged us with their timeliness. They are evidence of His strong tenderness and awareness of our needs.

There have also been gestures of His provision through some remarkable folks. Yesterday we received a card in the mail, with a check. We are grateful for the kindness and generosity of those who sent it--far away friends who have gone above and beyond more than once. It was kind of like seeing a friend pull up, smiling, shovel in hand when your car is off the road in a ditch. You cannot get it out alone; you need help, and help arrives, not begrudgingly, not able to melt off the storm, but willing to offer himself to move a few cubic yards of the stuff and muscle in beside you to get you back on the road.

Many of you have helped to ease the burden of these days. We are touched by the generosity of those in our lives, the variety of ways He has made each of you to reveal something about Himself. Someone reminded me the other night that this is the reason He gives His gifts to us--"Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful..." (1 Cor. 12:7 The Message). Amen.

Kingdom

I really like to be in charge.
I like to have things go the way I want them, and I have all kinds of preferences.

It's really cool...God gave me a kingdom to run. A land of my very own!
He told me I could be in charge and make decisions on how it would be run.
I love having the options and the privilege to oversee a piece of time and space.

But I find I am not so good at running things.
My perspective is more askew than I had thought and things don't have the glorious results I had expected.

I've tried to do a good job, being attentive to the input of God as vice president of my kingdom.

(I think I'll let you consider that and finish the story yourself.)


Updates on the recent unfoldings and manna in the Hickumhousehold:

Between interviews John has been working on the house of our friend.
The piano she offered us (to sell and use the proceeds toward our bills) has sold.
I have sold several more booklets.
There have been many, many conversations about trust, and loads of opportunities to encourage others in their challenges as we walk through this one.
I received the best email of my life!
Last night a young man arrived (one of our favorite visitors) with three pizzas.
We should be hearing some feedback today on the second interview with a company that John had yesterday. It is a good job and would seem to be a good fit.

My lenses are adjusting. I am seeing these gifts of many kinds in new light, grateful for an active God who sees and acts. Each one seems to be a special message straight from His hand, reminding us over and over how able He is, and how much He loves us. My eyes are also more open now to the regular flow of provision. He has always done it, but have I always seen?

I know that whatever unfolds with the current interview or a yet-unknown job ahead, wherever God is taking us on this journey, we are not alone. He is a very good King, running well any territory we offer to Him.

Sacrificial Giving

I have a friend who has significant physical difficulties that have plagued her for a long time. Yet she sent me a message the other day, offering to send us a meal on Sunday. I accepted, but only if when the day arrived and she was feeling otherwise, she could/should/MUST cancel. But the meal arrived (through her kind husband)--a delicious casserole, yummy salad, fluffy biscuits, sweet rolls, beverage.

It makes you stop and think. It touches you deeply when someone goes above and beyond.

It reminds me of Someone else I know.

Thank you!

Also: John's second interview with the Cleveland company will be on Wednesday afternoon. We would appreciate your prayers for that, as well as for some other curious things that are unfolding. Please pray that we would have discernment, patience, and courage in these days. We are incredibly blessed by your love for us, your encouragement, and your prayers. We are mighty rich folks!

We Find Rest

The job interview process is moving forward with some hopeful indicators.

Provision for our needs continues to come in various ways...lots of work hours available for John at Snow Trails, a friend offering a meal this weekend, the arrival of two gifts from a far-away couple we adore, the encouragement and prayers of many people, the reminder of the amazing good news of the Gospel that Ned delivered so passionately last Sunday--it has fueled me all week.

It is a bitterly cold January morning here in Mansfield. But the wood stove is blazing, there is food in the pantry, and we are surrounded by friends and family. Jobs come and go. The economy is up and down. Relationships are often complex. Days pass reminding us of our advancing age and the fraility of our bodies. We make mistakes and try to correct our errors. We sometimes see with well-lit clarity and sometimes wander around in a fog of uncertainty. But we are here, awake, alive, and invited again today to live life.

We are leaning in. We are working forward and waiting to see how this chapter unfolds. What I remember this morning is that it isn't just trying to get through it, it is trying to live in it (with most of the questions still on the table and the answers still hanging) with a full heart, with expectation, with confidence that we will make it. There is Someone looking after us. In the chaos we find rest.

God's Economy

Update:

Job #1: First interview was Tuesday, second one today. It is a three-interview process.
Job #2: A 4 1/2 hour interview yesterday, phone interview next with higher up. This one looks like it would be a particularly great fit for his personality and skills.
Job #3: Two sales rep openings at a place John worked at years ago. I expect he will hear from them.

Lesson:

God's economy is far less limited than we might think. He is not bound by the political scene or obligated to work within its parameters. His resources are endless. His purposes are unfolding. We have been invited to be a part of that. We live out our faith in the atmosphere of the tangible, but we dance in the truth that His kingdom is the biggest one, with the most possibilities, the most power.

I challenge you to today to dive deeply into the cold clear water of faith. It will wake you up. It will clear the cobwebs from your head. You will remember who you are and why you are here. Might as well live that way.

Bank on God

I realized that in sharing some of my recent manna, I've neglected to share some important information.

John has had some surprising activity in his job search. The economy might have scared us into thinking there were no decent jobs available, but he has three seemingly good possibilities unfolding!

1. He went to an interview in Columbus yesterday (they have a three interview proceedure) and they want him back for #2 on Thursday.

2. A management position at a health care facility up toward Cleveland. Due to how this one came about and some other details, this one has a particular glow around it and he is heading there today for an interview.

3. A company closer to Mansfield where he worked long ago has openings for two sales positions. His resume has been sent and he already knows the inner side of this business (which is still essentially the same). I would think he'd be an attractive applicant for that one.

We would appreciate your prayers for these interviews. I have sensed that God has something for John that is a great fit and to bring surprising "job-delight" for the days ahead. It wouldn't be too difficult in this economy to believe that he would have to settle for any first opportunity that came. I think there is something better than that happening. Would you join me in praying for that silver-lining for him?

I am reminded again that God's economy hasn't changed. He has plenty of resources at hand for the work of His purposes. Message of the morning...Believe that what He says is true. Then work at living in a way that leans on that truth, expecting it to have substance. Bank on Him!

Little Jesus

Little Jesus sat on my mantle.

He was right there where I put him, situated attractively between a handmade pottery vase and my daughter's latest soccer trophy.

My great-aunt had left him to me. Jesus had always been in the living room of her home, alongside her large-print Bible on the small walnut end table beside her favorite chair, where she read and prayed away her ancient days. But Auntie Maude had died, and now Jesus was mine.

I dusted him. On holidays, even with the extra decorations we brought from the back closet, I made sure it wasn't too cluttered around him. Jesus deserved a place of honor and respect.

But one day I entered the room to find Jesus in pieces on the floor. I ws heartbroken. I carefully picked up the fragments, went to the drawer in the kitchen to dig out a tube of extra-strength glue, and began to carefully reassemble him. All things consdiered, he didn't look too bad and when I was sure he was thoroughly dry, I set him carefully back in place.

Two days later I noticed he wasn't in quite the same position, now a couple of inches closer to the edge of the mantle than where I'd left him. The children were summoned to the living room, but each denied having moved him or knowing anything about it. I was not happy to have this fragile precious object in questionable safety.

Then next day Jesus was again on the floor, broken once more in the same places I'd just repaired a few days earlier. Out came the tube of glue again and I repeated the now familiar steps.

All was well for the next couple of weeks, until on a rainy Tuesday morning, rushing back to retrieve the car keys I'd left on the kitchen counter, I stopped short as I passed through the living room, finding Jesus once again in pieces on the floor. I set my bag and armfull of files onto the sofa and bent down to gather up the broken pieces once again.

This time the small figurine had cracked in different places. As I picked up a tiny fragment that had broken from his face I noticed how piercing his painted gaze was and how warm his smile. That evening he was carefully glued together again.

Over the next few months Jesus kept interrupting me, forcing me to repari him several more times. One day I was again gathering up the porcelain bits of his broken body, determined to keep this frustrating little figure intact. I guess I was in the right mood that edeay, for something tugged at me in a deep place, though I wasn't sure why.

Than my mind began to replay my experience with this little figurine and his continual invitation to deal with his broken body. This small delicate god I'd thought would fit neatly into my world wasn't staying conveniently there on a shelf for me to consider sentimentally when I was in the mood and had the time.

I began to discover that He isn't that kind of God.

Clues Lead You to the Right Place

Yesterday's daily bread was in the form of a morning-long feast. Worship was active and rich. The prayers offered and the testimonies shared were powerfully stated. The Eucharist introduction challenged us to check the condition of our hearts via a wonderful personal example of how muscles become hard when we aren't using them. It was one of those mornings when everything weaves together creating a seamless message. And then came the sermon...the most powerful, passionate telling of the Gospel that I've ever heard. The "moron logic" of it astonished me again.


The story didn't unfold in the way any of us would have written it. As Ned said, "I would have made action figures!" Indeed, all of us would have made it something flashy and unable to be missed. Humans are that way. Sometimes we hear about a lover who shouts his affections from the rooftops or the mountaintops or plans his marriage proposal by arranging for the stadium scoreboard to flash at half-time, "Jessica, will you marry me?"

Well, God had some brilliant moves up His sleeves too, like a dark hillside suddenly ablaze with angels announcing in their trumpet-like voices, "Glory to God in the highest..." But then the story takes an unexpected turn.


The angels don't part into two neat halves like the Red Sea so that the God of Heaven can proceed to earth draped in royal garments and kingly jewels. There is no crown here. There is no sceptor.


Isaiah had given us some clues. We'd been told about Bethlehem, and a virgin birth. Then there on that starry night came the angel's clue: "You'll know you have the right one by this: You'll find a baby...in a manger."

Is that the one you've found?

Go Play!

Sugar and spice and everything nice!

It was a wonderful day yesterday as we hung out with a friend who has one of those recipes you really want to know how to bake! She had given me the ingredient list and offered to teach the girls and me this baking skill. Wow, did the house smell great--all sweet and cinnamony! And then we got to EAT! Oh my, if the internet had tastesation capabilites you would all be very happy campers! We had some great conversation and some play thrown in for good measure. It was exactly what I needed today.

As evening approached there was a knock on the door. In came A. with a dozen eggs that were left at the end of the week at the little treasure of a place where she works. The owner had sent them our way. (Thanks, L.!) A. came in to visit and before long our conversation took off in an unexpected direction that lead to the topic of play. While I was sharing part of my own story it was clear that there was something bigger going on--one of those times when I feel like I'm in the exact right conversation at the exact right moment, a time when the talk nourishes in the moment and when it hints of seeds whose blossom or fruit might be seen, smelled, and tasted down the road as well. It felt like a big invitation to delve into, something to explore that would hold something to share, and probably something that others also needed.

So let's talk. What do you think of play? Do you find yourself thinking more often of responsibility and obligation and the things you "ought" to do, the never-ending "to do" list, work and effort almost always being the driving force?

Is your time of play often just unplugging from work, vegging out, rather than engaging in something that is fun and brings life?

Today I suggest that you take a little time to do something that delights your heart. Something that brings a smile to your face. And feel free to dive in with a comment here and share with others what you did and the refreshment it brought you.

"If you never did you should. Things are fun and fun is good." Dr. Seuss

The Robin on the Roof

It is still dark outside this morning. So far the only light is the one that is glowing from my computer screen. I've been sitting here thinking about the dark circumstances we are in and I remembered a precious lesson from many years ago.

We were living in town back then and I had had a recent history of a fierce battle with fear. Well, I wasn't really fighting, I tended to grab a blanket and bury myself in bed. Insulation was the only comfort I could find. Somehow, even when I felt totally immobilized, God was speaking. He had not turned His back on me and I was beginning to get back on my feet.

I remember looking out the window that early spring day. Snow had fallen recently, then a warm spell followed by the return of cold weather. But I heard singing. Loud singing. It drew my eye up to the roof of the house next door where a plump robin sat, chirping her little heart out. God began to speak to me:

"She is not worried. Yes, she sits in the snow today, but she knows that Spring is coming."

It was a powerful little scene of what life can look like as we remember the hope we have been given. Of course we cannot see all that the days ahead will hold or how we will get from here to there. We were not meant to. But He is here today, ready to continue His purposes and His work and to get me forward on solid ground. I can grit my teeth and resist and complain about the snow, or I can rest in the One who is actively looking after me.

I can sit in the snow and sing and find that trust brings beauty to this day.

I think it may be part of what thaws the snow.

Message Mystery Man

This evening I received a message from a man in Mansfield I have never met. We got connected because of mutual friends on facebook, but we only know of each other via the info that is written on our homepages, in comments on them, through the two messages he has written there and the replies I've sent. He is an artist who attends a church in the area and, when we meet one of these days, I suspect we will find that we know a boatload of the same people.

The first message was one he wrote after I posted that John had been laid off. He was inquiring about what kind of work John had done and offering to keep his ears open for possibilities. Tonight he wrote again (at least a week after his first message) with some detailed information he had gathered that he thought John may want to look into.

I was surprised, touched, and blessed that this unseen acquaintance would take the time and make such an effort. He doesn't really know us and yet has been keeping us in mind (and, I bet, in prayer).

Tonight I feel like I've discovered a wider sense of the body of Christ. I feel love and supported by someone "out there" that I don't even know, but who cared enough about us to act. He offered, and then he followed up. Maybe it was spurred by the Spirit that resides simultaneously in both of us. This guy is out there somewhere in this town, listening and responding.

His lead may not pan out to a job for John, but his expression of care was priceless.

Thank you, kind sir!